Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
