It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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