so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
