Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
