the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
