this beer tastes like vomit already
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
