can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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