How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
