If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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