Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
