No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
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