if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
