guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
