i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Screwed.edu
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
