And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
