If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
