This girl is more easily done than said...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drake has all the answers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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