Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
