oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
