it hurts more in the daytime
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
