That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
