my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My vagina is officially offended.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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