This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he puts the penis in happiness.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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