I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
