I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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