I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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