she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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