the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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