she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
