so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
