sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm really busy with my period
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