Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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