I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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