peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
