literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
