I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
