So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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