I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
