Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
