im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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