Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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