I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
