those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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