two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
