I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
