jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
