If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
