And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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