You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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