You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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