you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
