Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
