3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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