This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
