He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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