So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
