So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
