Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
