Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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