My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
