Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
