remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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