Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
