I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
