So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
