he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
