I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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