This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
