i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize