loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
